you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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