We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
