xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
