Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just pee around me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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