They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
