Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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