I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I pour the whiskey from now on
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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