I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize