I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
