Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
