I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
