She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
As shirtless as possible
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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