drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
