hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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