Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
