cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
