So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
