i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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