Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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