my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
