I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
