Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
