and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
