4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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