We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
