shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
