It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
