my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
