party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize