I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
nutella sex= disaster
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i came on her dog
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
