let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
