My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
