She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I need a beard to bite.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
