i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
