i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
