I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I want to be your penis for a week.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
