She said her name was "party"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
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