If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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