I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
