Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
