He had one of those small greek statue penises
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Btw I puked in your glovebox
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
