Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
