Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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