I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
