last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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