So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
