I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
