i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
