Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
