That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
