How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
