Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
