How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize