im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
