so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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