we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
