so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
