ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
