I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
