If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
