You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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