No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
