dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
