I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
