i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
