You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
