If i come over, it means nothing
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
