Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
