I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
