I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize