Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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