I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize