do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
