Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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