You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
